


Looking For A Dump Thing To Do

by erynwen



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-06
Updated: 2015-02-06
Packaged: 2018-03-10 19:42:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3301253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erynwen/pseuds/erynwen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lee is hurt and cranky, it did not just propose to Barney.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Looking For A Dump Thing To Do

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [zungenleid](http://archiveofourown.org/users/zungenleid/pseuds/zungenleid) for being the world's most awesome beta <3

Lee knows that something is wrong the moment he takes the step. Cold dread hits him like a slap to his face as his whole world comes to a sudden stop, narrowing down to a single “Fuck my life, this is it.”

He can hear Barney yelling at him, and he wants to leap to the side, or take a step back, but it’s too late, his foot already touching the ground, breaking the laser beam.

Lee feels the explosion more than he hears it, heat blasting into his face, splinters hitting his skin. Then his feet leave the ground, he’s flying through the air, and with a sharp pain to his back everything turns black.

 

When he comes to again, everything is still black, and Lee wonders for the tiniest moment if he's even awake. He blinks a few times rapidly. Which hurts like a bitch, so yeah, definitely awake. 

And neither blind, because now he can make out the soft light of the cockpit, the blinking instruments around him. By now he’s even awake enough to notice the vibration of the engine run through his body, which would be nice, if he wasn’t hurting so much.

He winces as he stretches, and closes his eyes against the sharp throb in his back. He's one big ball of pain, his bruises have bruises, and he feels like he could throw up three days worth of lunch. 

He can tell that Barney is looking at him, even with his eyes closed. It's like he's got patronizing ants crawling all over him, and he wishes he could ignore it, but he fails miserably, so he sighs. Opens his eyes again to stare out of the windshield for a breath or two, then he turns to look at Barney.

"What?" He sounds sullen, cranky. Fuck that, he is cranky. His back hurts, his ears hurt, Jesus, his chest hair hurts, and he's just done for today.

"Did you hear me saying anything? I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to say anything. I can see how the little little wheels are turning up there," Lee says, swirling his fingers in the air.

"That so?" Barney asks.

"Yeah." He grouches. Winces again as he shifts his weight.

"You were pretty close to that explosion. Almost had me worried."

"Like that would be enough to finish me off," Lee scoffs, because it's easier than agreeing with Barney.

Barney raises his hands in mock surrender. "Just saying. Next time you listen when I tell you to watch your step."

"Like I did that on purpose! It’s not like it had 'trap' written all over it."

"It was pretty obvious." 

"Oh stop this parental bullshit! I'm not one of those kids!" Lee would be shouting by now, but he’s feeling way too weak for that, so he only waves vaguely to the back of the plane. 

"I just don't want to have to look for someone new is all," Barney says, shrugging.

"Don't you worry, you're not getting rid of me that easily. You need someone to look after you after all."

"You mean if I'm old and grey?” Barney is grinning now. 

"You already are old. And grey. I meant more like when you're too demented to remember your name or what day it is. Someone will have to feed you," Lee answers, grinning back.

Barney laughs at that. "And that would be you?"

"Til death do us part." 

Barney quirks an eyebrow at him. "You sound like you're proposing to me."

Lee snorts. "Maybe you're delusional."

"Lousy proposal, though."

Lee turns to look at Barney. "What, do you expect me to go on my knees?"

Barney shakes his head, like he can’t really believe where this conversation is going. Make that two, because Lee will be damned if he knew why he doesn’t just stop saying stupid shit like that.

Not that Barney would do him the favour of dropping the damn topic, either.  
"You don't even have a ring."

Lee gives Barney a pointed look. "Like you could fit another ring on your hand."

Barney goes silent at that, and Lee is almost glad. This is a conversation they really shouldn’t be having.  
Especially when he can’t think straight.

Barney gives a small cough. "I’m sure I could find a place for it. If it was necessary."

Lee gives Barney a sharp look, and suddenly he feels the need to push. Maybe he should just work on that urge to always have the last bloody word. 

“Yeah, sure. On your cock or what?” 

Barney gives him a strange look. And who wants to blame him? Lee really should put a fist into his mouth. Instead, now that his brain to mouth filter is properly out of the window, he adds, “Though, might look nice.”

Barney doesn’t answer. Doesn’t move for a very long time. Lee considers jumping from the plane. Can’t be worse than this. 

“Sounds like you put a lot of thought into that particular picture.”

Oh look. Lee was wrong. It just has gotten worse.

He groans as the urge to hit the wall with his head becomes almost unbearable, and bites his bottom lip. 

He watches with a frown as Barney toggles the autopilot with a sigh so exasperated Lee almost bolts from his seat. He doesn’t want to get a lecture on inappropriate remarks. Instead, he just looks out of the windshield again as Barney gets out of his seat - and jumps a little as Barney is suddenly right in his face, leaning down, looking at him intently.

“You’re one stubborn son of a bitch, you know?” he grouches.

Lee takes a breath to answer, because seriously, if he’s stubborn, what exactly would you call Barney then?

But his words die right in his throat as Barney leans closer and kisses him.

Lee’s body goes stiff as he’s trying to decide whether to kiss back or punch Barney in the face. He’s not moving a single muscle - shit, he’s not even breathing. All he can think of are Barney’s lips, soft and warm on his own.

Then he feels Barney pull back, and that’s when he finally makes a decision. He wants more, wants to feel that mouth yield under his, wants to know what Barney’s tongue feels like sliding against his, wants to know if he can make the old man moan. 

So he moves, ignoring the pain flaring up again as he puts a hand to the back of Barney’s neck to keep him in place, to kiss him back, to touch his face.

He doesn’t know how long they stay like this, only dimly aware that it has to be hell on Barney’s back. Then he realizes they’re not even kissing anymore, just resting their foreheads against each other 

He opens his eyes - shit, when did he close them? - to see Barney smiling down at him.

“Wasn’t that hard, now was it?”

Lee rolls his eyes. “Oh, shut up!”

Barney’s eyes twinkle as his smile widens. “Make me.”

So Lee does.


End file.
